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Hazel Aden

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& I don't want the world to see me, 'cause I don't think that they'd understand [April 10, 7:18 pm]
[ mood | cold ]

Um. I went to the park yesterday for Toby's party. He was actin' weird, haha. No one better ever tell ANYONE that Toby actually AMUSED me. It could ruin my reputation, ya know. God I'm such a bitch. I basically swung on the swings and played in the sand. By myself, because Jimmy sadly had to go. :(

Um, then today, I went to Jt's party for a little bit. I talked to Chris shortly & then I went off to the park by myself 'cause there wasn't much to do. Later I went back to the party & then I was called home.

I talked to Chris online & it was so much fun. We're the Life of the Party's. So don't hate ;) Me and him had something going on in like.. January, if like any of you remember that, am i over him? i'm not sure right now. Then I went over to his house for a little bit & we talked about what kind-a music we like & then he helped me with my relationship. lalala yep, that's it. i swear. but really, i'm not lying about that. if i was, i would tell you what happened, with this on strike right? RIGHT. So nothing happened with chris. even though i know all of you don't believe me.

there's a kind-a short post for you. thank god. i talk too much, i know. ;)

3 heart me!

Would you tell me how could it be, any better than this? [April 8, 7:25 pm]
[ mood | giggly ]

Since I don't want to make a bigger update than the one I'm already going to make right now, I decided just to go ahead & do it now. Hope that's okay, I know how boring I am & such.

What I obviously was referring to in my last post was about Jimmy & I. Practically everything I write is about him now. So I talked to him yesterday afternoon & apologized, because well, I did feel bad. Except it kind-a made me mad when I told him he didn't have to apologize back and his response was somethin like 'good, cause i have nothing to feel sorry for anyways'. ugh. So then let's see, oh yeah. Then he told me that he was really mad at me the day before & that he did something stupid. Obviously the first thing that came to my mind was him and Christina hooking up. I was semi-right. They kissed... So that, I sort of expected so it didn't actually make me that upset. The only thing that did was that he's known me for like 2 years or whatever and he goes & kisses her, a girl that he's known for two days. And we haven't like kissed for like EVER. Like a month. Not counting yesterday after we made up & stuff. ;) But yeah, then we made up & everything.

Then Jimmy came over and we talked about moving into an apartment probably in May & stuff. Then we had a make out session for literally an hour. Cough, not that I was timing or anything. So then we kissed and made up practically the rest of the time. Then we decided to go to Nate's house. I was there for a little bit, even though Jimmy left like right when we got there. I talked to Nate a little bit about his crush on em, heheh. aawwwh. and then I sat with him and Ash. Then I split, my mom wanted me home early, because her and father wanted to speak with me. It turned out to be nothing, just stuff about the doctors and such. They found the empty beer bottle in my car & another under the couch. Luckly they didn't scream, they just got rid of all their alcohol. *sigh*

Today I called the clinic & I finally got an appointment to find out the sex of the child. Since you know, next week is 8 weeks that I have been pregnant, so that's when they can run a test to find out. :) I'm actually really excited. It's on April 15th at 11:30am. Haha, I get out of school for it, thank god. Considering that I haven't been in the mood to learn much anymore. Luckly school ends soon. Then I'll have a few months to myself to forget about how I won't be in cheer next year. Yeah I know, but like the day after I have my baby in November. I'm off to the gym to get myself back into shape so I can get back into cheer.

Oh my god, I wrote a novel. Okay I'm done I swear.
Um. I think everyone should download the song I'm listening to right now.

9 heart me!

Said fuck it I'm fine, dine and dashed. [April 7, 3:50 pm]
[ mood | confused ]

Being faced with what I'm faced with I feel
Like I can't rock
Like a rock hit my heart
Started to chain the day
And exploded into pieces

Marry me
Stay the same
Lie to me and try to say you never will

-The Used

Um. There's much to say. I just don't feel like telling about my whole life for some reason today. Shocker, I know. But things aren't bad, or.. as bad as they were, anymore. Even though I know I should be pissed, I'm really not that mad. Is this good or bad?

7 heart me!

[April 5, 7:56 pm]
[ mood | bitchy ]

I can't believe my own ears right now. Well, from earlier.. since.. it already happened, but uh, you know what I mean. Let me back up and explain...

SO Jimmy's cellphone called me on accident. And yeah you know those friends he made during lunch? Let's just say their those two really pretty but stuckup girls at school Christina and Bethany. I'm sure you have all seen them, heard them, and so forth. So I was one my bed and I guess I didn't hear it ring or know that I answered it but then about 10 minutes later I heard voices and then Jimmy realizing that he had called me. I'm lying, I heard the whole thing, everything. He gave the girls the impression that I'm a bitch. They called me a slut, for being pregnant. Can you believe it? A SLUT!! Then they told him that just 'cause I'm pregnant with his kid that doesn't mean he has to stay with me. I swear, I will hunt these girls down. I will see it that they are NEVER fit in at Degrassi again. Ok that's harsh, but i'm not telling you the whole story. So that's okay, think what you want.

So he said hello? and such and I just waited for him to call me back which he did. I heard two girls in the background the 1st time he called me, telling him to come and show them how he plays basketball or something. So I played dumb for a little bit and then he cussed and I told him never to speak to me like that again and then i told him to go play basketball and then i hung up on him.

He called back and then I answered, I asked him if he was giving people the impression that I'm a bitch and then somemore words from both of us were spoken. I told him usually when people hang up that means they dont want to talk to you, and he said something along the lines of 'why? is chad about to call?' i said yes and so on. I think that's when he called me a bitch, I think. Yeah, it was. Then I told him he was just like his dad, and that he became exactly what he disliked, this whole time. That resulted in a "fuck you," and the line going to a dial tone. I regret it so so so much, I admit that but what the hell? Why is he hanging out with those girls? THEY FLIRTED SO MUCH, to jimmy, MY jimmy, MY FIANCE. He knows I'm jealous as all get out. I can't let him know that I heard the whole conversation though. Not yet. I'm waiting for the perfect opportunity. If you want more information or whatever, 'cause I'm all bottled up, then just contact me on aim or call me. <3

EDIT: Jimmy just came by my house.. I didn't answer I just sat inside by the front door and watched him wait and then walk away.

8 heart me!

[April 4, 6:33 pm]
[ mood | angry ]

So. Here I am once again, turning to this journal to write about my un-amazing life. Let's see. I haven't been doing much, so this post will be really short.

So I've been working since the last day I wrote. Work is hectic at Pretty Pretty. It seems like all the girls in Toronto are rushing to pick out their dresses for prom. It's pretty much packed, and when it's packed, it means angry customers. I even discovered two girls fighting over a prom dress a few days ago, it looked kind-a like they were reallllyyyy desperate to tell you the truth. Basically because they were.

Let's see.. Yesterday. Welllllll I talked to Jimmy and then he picked me up so we could go to to the Dot. In the car we sort of got into a a semi-heated arguement. Then when we arrived at the Dot, the same thing happened again. is it always going to be like this? So he stormed off for a little bit and lets all think who called when he was away? You guessed it, Chad. he keeps calling me, alot. like all the time. i told him no. i told him i couldnt do that anymore. but i still want to talk to him cause he's a good friend. is that bad? am i just asking for it? will he suck me in again at another party so i'll cheat on jimmy? I didn't answer it and then Jimmy came over and questioned why I wasn't answering it. That then led to him asking who it was, and telling me to check. So one thing led to another and he found out it was Chad. Then he.. just.. left.. walked out of the Dot. i swear, we argue too much. a ton. i love him i really do.

So then today, we decided to talk. He asked if anything happened with Chad. At first I said no, but then I ended up telling him that Chad did kiss me. HE kissed ME, I didn't kiss him. So Jimmy didn't say much, I probably hurt him by saying that, but I don't know, he didn't really answer and then he got off line. It's hard to know what he's feeling. I feel guilty though. I'm going to call Chad in a few nights to tell him that nothing can happen between me and him anymore. Even though something happened only once, like two weeks ago, at that party with Em. But I was drunk then, but I can't tell him that, cause then jimmy will lecture me on how i was drinking even though i'm pregnant. so technically it's not a lie right? it's just stretching the truth? SO, technically, ive cheated on him though, even though i told chad no and pushed him away. This is like what.. the 2nd time i've not been able to stay loyal? i hate myself right now for all of this, i'm so mad with myself, fed up, the whole nine yards. i'm just waiting for jimmy to get sick of it all and leave me.. except not.. cause i dont want that to happen.. not in a million years.

sajodshajklsdhakjlsdhakjshajk ugh!

11 heart me!

[March 31, 9:22 pm]
[ mood | i think i have the flu! ]

So the Montreal trip was pretty fun. After I made that last update, Em and I joked around, making fun of Kalah, and then made our way down the escalator. Well apparently Kalah decided she had to go and tell on us to Mr. O. He escorted Em and I back to our rooms, and I made him not say anything to Mrs. Hatzilakos and everything 'cause he said he was supposed to report people to her, that have been sneaking out. However we all know how Paige and Mr. O had that thing going on in the past so I blackmailed him into keeping his mouth shut. Unfortunately we still had to go back to our rooms though, sigh. So then that next morning we returned back to Toronto, of course.

So Tuesday. OH! My mom and I talked for awhile after I came home from work and she told me that in a few weeks is the earliest when I can find out the gender of my babyyyy. About a few days longer than two weeks, to be exact. So I still have yet to make an appointment with my doctor and so on & so forth. I don't know, I'm kind of hoping it's a boy, but then again it'd be nice to have a little girl to dress up (you know, me with my fabulous fashion taste and all).

Hm, so yesterday I went to my teen pregnancy meeting and everything. I'm making some friends with some of the girls my age there so it's nice. One of their names is Robyn and she's 7 and a half month's pregnant, it's amazing, well to me atleast (it's going to be a girl). Yeah I'm still hanging with Nicole and such, she's a month and a half farther along the way than me, I've literally still got forever and a half to go.

I bet you are all wondering if I actually AM going to go through this whole pregnancy or not huh? Well I just know that I don't want to end up regretting the whole decision of keep him/her and ending up doing something ridiculously stupid like http://www.lifeadvocate.org/7_98/nation3.htm . Trust me I don't PLAN on doing that but you know what I mean, sometimes the woman just snaps with all the stress of whatever. But I don't know, I find abortion still kind-a bad, its like the same thing that happens in the article 'cept they're unborn, I guess I just want to be a good person/mother... even though technically he/her isn't actually born all the way yet. So as of now I think I'm going to keep it, but lets see what happens.. I still got like over 7 months to go. I bid thee farewell alcohol :(

These entries are better boring huh? I'm sorry! Ick, I'm getting the flu...

[[ I decided to just make time for one semi-big update before the weekend of me being MIA for the whole weekend. I'll try to sneak in a few updates if I have 15 minutes or so in my schedule that I can dedicate to this! <3 ]]

7 heart me!

[March 27, 9:28 pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

I just had to update 'cause i'm laughing really hard.

So as you all know, Jimmy came over last night to my hotel room like I said in my last post. So apparently he stayed 'late' 'cause right as I said bye to him and he left, my roommate Kalah came up to me and was like, "he stayed a little late." So I just laughed and shrugged it off, you know. Oh but no, she wasn't finished talking, she said more. She said she didn't appreciate coming in to the hotel room with us kissing for ever and completely ignoring her existance. I told her that she didn't have to stay and could have felt free to leave at anytime, or for the whole night. I don't know if I mentioned that Kalah is really anal and like the 'perfect' student in the teachers' eyes, and a pain in the ass to the rest of us. So then I don't know, she argued with me for hours about it, I kept laughing and she just kept getting mad. I told her that I'm obviously pregnant with Jimmy's child so I thought I deserved a few minutes hours of kissing with my fiance, ya know. So then she flipped out 'cause you know first off, she didn't know, and second of all, she thought it was immorally wrong. Well she didn't say that but you could just tell by the way she looked at me with disgust. So I laughed more, she really does not like me at all so I'm glad that I never have to be stuck in a room with her anymore after tonight.

Anyways, um I just had to bring it up because as you know room check is at 11 and everything, and it's 11:30 now. So Emma and I are going to hang out and Kalah basically was preaching about how it was past curfew for us and how I shouldn't go. I told her sneaking out was the best and jokingly asked her to come along, of course her response was "NO!!" and thank god for that, lol. I told her I was going to go out and see the city lights with Emma and she was like "no way, emma doesn't sneak out!" I can't wait to see the look on her face when Em shows up at my room in a few minutes. Ahhhhhhhh yeah. I'm going to see the city lights with her sooooo byeeeeeee!!

happy easter to all you christians. :)

6 heart me!

[March 26, 7:40 pm]
[ mood | excited ]

Um so a few days ago I went to the mall with Jimmy, it was great. He tried to eat a whole medium pizza, so of course I had to tell him I didn't think he could eat it. ;) Let's guess who was right? haha, it was fun though, just being with him and such. So I think everything is good with us again, atleast I hope. I honestly don't even remember what we were arguing about. Okay, well right after I typed that I suddenly remembered, but whatever.

So I arrived in Montreal, Quebec yesterday, like practically everyone else did. It feels good just to get away, there's just something relieving about it all. I got to get away from the teen pregnancy meetings, my father pressing for me to make a decision, the clinic, and my job and whatnot. I have been making alot of money at work, so I'm feeling like I'm accomplishing atleast something. I mean I work practically every week day from 2pm-10pm making $7.50, which is adding up to alot of money that I could put towards important things.

Jimmy and I went out to a nice little restruant a block from the hotel yesterday, it was nice. I slept in practically the whole day today, I was exhausted from the trip over here. Jimmy's on his way to my room now so I'm going to end this. Anyone feel free to stop by to see me, cause I've been sort-a lonely. I'm in room 312. Is anyone even close to my room? hah

8 heart me!

[March 21, 3:53 pm]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

So let's see. The Ice Skating party sucked, alot. I had fun in the beginning but then it just ended horribly. So then the next day, continued to fight with Jimmy. Then Saturday he came over and spent the night, and last night he came over and spent the night too. He fell asleep early sooooooooo...

Last night I went and picked up Emma, and we went to a party down in Wasaga that some guy told me about, last time I was in Wasaga. It was at an apartment and there were LOOOOOADDS of people, it was amazing. From what I can remember from it... I think I had fun. I think Em and I got seperated though half way through, cause I remember parts of last night when I was only with Chad with her not in it. I wish I knew what happened last night, over time I'll remember though. I remember I was like running around trying to find Emma after like 4 hours, we then finally found eachother. So apparently I brought my camera and took pictures. I don't remember taking them but I'll post them anyways. Em will know most of the pic's, cause you know, she was there. lol. Okay nevermind, she probably doesn't remember. since i don't either.

HmmCollapse )

11 heart me!

[March 16, 8:14 pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

Um. How do I put this? Uh, I'm in Wasaga. It was just something I had to do. Honestly, I had to get away. I'm not 'running away from my problems' or whatever people usually say when people do stuff like this. I went to school, then skipped Spirit Squad. There's no use learning the new routine anyways, I just sit down during the whole thing anyways, it's 'too risky' as Mrs. Hatzilakos says, of course my lovely father had to call and let him know that i'm pregnant and that I shouldn't be on the squad. But they made an agreement that I could still go to practice, just not perform at the games and stuff. So what's the point really? So anyways, I skipped squad and went to Wasaga beach, stayed there all afternoon and now I'm back at this really nice hotel. I just needed to clear my head. I'll be back tomorrow probably. Most likely because Jimmy is upset I'm here, he won't admit it but I know he is, and he's probably still upset with me for other reasons too, ugh. And uh.. here read this..

Ice Skating Together-ness
When?: Thursday, March 17th at 7 pm. If not alot of people can go.. then Friday, March 18th.
Where?: Ice Skating Rink, the one right near us. The only one that isn't 280231 miles away, lol.

Um. So tell me if you can go on Thursday, on this post please. If you can't go on that day, then tell me Friday or something. Okay, bye.

12 heart me!

I wanna kiss you every minute every hour every dayyyyyyyyy [March 15, 9:18 pm]
[ mood | thoughtful ]

Uh. To say the LEAST, yesterday sucked. Really bad. I'm so glad that it's over. Except today wasn't much better.

It was like everything from yesterday really went down hill. Well everything with Jimmy, he came over and we argued. It was my fault though, I mean I am drinking, and I am pregnant. However none of you will understand how stressful this is well maybe Manny . I can't even explain each different emotion that I express towards myself and everyone about how I feel about being pregnant. Some day's I hate it, some days I feel depressed about it, some days I'm down right happy, others I am actually excited. Anyways, back to the fight. I'm sure we can both say that we said some really nasty things that were just brought about by anger and the will power of wanting to get back at eachother for each rude thing we kept saying. I know that I regret it. I'm actually still a little angry at the whole fight. We literally were like SCREAMING at eachother. It was horrible. It'll be really hard to forget that whole thing to tell you the trust. It was just awful. So it ended with him leaving and telling me to call him when I made a decision about the baby.

So today, I stared at the phone and the scrapbook that I have filled with pictures of me and him. I then shook the stupid magic eight ball and debated for about three hours if I should listen to the stupid plastic ball that said 'of course' I should call him. So about after half an hour of dialing a few numbers then hanging up, then a few more numbers, then hanging up, then all but the last number than hanging up, I finally called him. He then drove over and we went out for a drive and ended up at the beach. We didn't really work things out but we actually had a rational conversation. We decided to talk to the doctor later this week to let us know more about the decision for the baby, to see if he could help us. Cause obviously I can't make this big of a decision on my own. Then Jimmy and I talked about marriage and everything. Literally though, I hope I'll be able to forget the fight and everything said and so on, ugh.

7 heart me!

[March 13, 8:51 pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

So last night I went to the reception. I mingled with everyone, and all of Terri's relatives and everything. Her dad's fiance/wife seems really sweet. I basically hung out at the tot table, batting away Terr's grandpa's hand for taking handfuls of my TOTS. hahah. I was sort-a pissed off at stuff, I feel bad now. I think I'll send her grandpa a 'sorry' card and some of the tots from the reception that I stuffed into my purse.... I missed all the drama somehow, but uhhh OH WELL i guess.

I saw Jimmy today. :) He can walk, I was soo excited. He brought me roses and then we went ring shopping. It was fun, I picked out a perfect ring, it's beautiful ofcourse. We had alot of fun. I'm glad he's here for me for the whole pregnancy thing. Most guy's would just run away.

Anyone up for coming to my house later this week? I won't call it a party, but hey we all haven't hung out together in a long time.

Jimmy I love you.

8 heart me!

[March 11, 4:06 pm]
[ mood | cynical ]

Sorry again for no updates. Work and the baby has got me overwhelmed alot.

Okay so.. someday, i forgot when.. BUT I went to the food court at the mall after work, and I saw Spinner and Manny. I talked with them for a little bit and it was really nice just to talk with all my friends again. Unfortunately I had to go shortly after for my teen pregnancy meeting again. I met a girl my age there, she's farther along than me though, 8 weeks. We're going to get together for some coffee sometime next week, it'll be nice. Her name is Nicole.

My stomach shows now that I'm pregnant. My stomach is out 5 centimeters more from before I was pregnant. I'm only like 5 and a half weeks pregnant though. :\ The doctor said everyones stomach expands at different times, and that it depends on my weight and body structure from before I was pregnant. And uh yeah, it's obvious, let me tell you that. I can't fit in to my favorite pair of jeans. It made me sad. So I went shopping a little bit ago and bought a few more pairs of jeans. In a few weeks though I'll be grown out of those as well though. So it was just a waste of money. Uh someone remind me again why I want to keep this baby? Because right now I have no idea why. Ugh.

I also bought a dress for the wedding tomorrow, it's pink, it's really pretty. I feel hideous in it though.

13 heart me!

overrr [March 7, 7:38 pm]
[ mood | restless ]

I've been really confused lately. I went from not wanting to keep this baby, to keeping, and then back out to not wanting it at all. Is it always going to be like this? If I want it one day and not want it another, and I go through with one of my choices, I'll regret it the next day. Say I choose abortion, then there's no getting my baby back, once i've made that decision there will be no turning back to change it.

I turned to my mother last night to talk about all of this. My mother had me when she was 18 but she was already engaged though. However she amazingly was alot of help to me. She said I shouldn't make the decision of keeping or not keeping this baby based on if I don't think I'll be capable to care for him/her or not. She said there would be plenty of people that could help me with the baby, Jimmy, his parents, my parents, and maybe some of my friends (doubt that). She said I should base my answer off of if I really want this baby or not. I mean in some aspect's I would really love to be a mother. I think it'd feel great. In the other aspects I really would not want to, it'd be hard to stay in school and I would be off the cheer squad, not to mention i'd be REALLY REALLY FAT. and HIDEOUS. ew ew and other things. Even though how stupid my reasons are for not wanting this baby, I don't think I want it, at all. For the moment that is.

I'm going to these teen pregnancy meetings that my doctor recommended me to. I had my first class today, I had to cancel working today though, Ugh Michelle, my manager, wasn't too happy about that. I told her it was important and that it wouldn't happen again. The meeting is with a bunch of girls just like me not knowing what to do, so we talk out about how we feel about the whole situation and everything. It's nice to talk to other people who are in the same situation as me.. in a way it's really relieving.

I obviously will have to talk to Jimmy about whether we should keep the baby or not. Speaking of him, I haven't seen him since last week, which seems like forever ago. :\ Hopefully he'll help me make my decision about the baby considering that I am obviously to indecisive to have an answer on my own.

I feel like I'm so distant from my friends. I haven't spoken to like any of you in days. I don't even hang out with any of you either. You all went to the beach the other day, but I didn't get invited or anything, it sort of hurt..ALOT it was kind-a disapointing but I understand. I feel like I'm growing up too fast and forgetting about all the things us highschool kids do, party, have fun, etc, etc. All I feel like I've done is got myself pregnant and engaged sort-a made a few mistakes.. Could I some how rewind all of that?
please. please. please. please.
I love you Jimmy

7 heart me!

REALLY LONG!! [March 4, 4:26 pm]
[ mood | stressed ]

Wow. Sorry everyone for not updating forever. I'm alive I swear. Actually I've been really busy with the clinic, work, school work, my parents, Jimmys parents, and Jimmy. I'll back up and let you all know everything.

Jimmy and I are engaged and I'm very happy that he's there on my side when I need to go to someone for support. I love him, alot.

Okay the clinic. I'm due in the beginning of November, that's like, forever and a half away. I think I'm going to actually keep the baby, but I haven't really made the decision yet. I'm almost a month pregnant, which means that I still have about 6 weeks left until I can't get a safe abortion. I think this baby could be something that I'd love-- ugh what am I saying, the baby's here, just in my stomach, its already born. Which means.. technically I already have a child. Anyways, I went to the clinic to find more out about this whole, being pregnant deal.  I wanted to get an ultrasound to try and figure out the sex of my baby, and the doctor said that it can be performed at any stage of pregnancy but it is best done between 18 and 26 weeks. However he said it's least accurate compared to Amniocentisis that can be performed at as early as 9 weeks and Chorionic Villus Sampling (CVS), which you can get as early as 8 weeks. So, he said CVS is usually for women with a high risk of genetic abnormalities though, plus its a ton of money. ANWAYS enough about the baby.....

Speaking of money, Pretty Pretty called me back early this week and I got the job. So I went in Tuesday and filled out paperwork for the taxes and everything, it went by quickly. Then yesterday and today I worked again, it's fun I guess, I love the clothing and the dresses there so that's a plus. </strike> Too bad that in a few month's I'm going to be fat as hell. </strike> Yesterday I just sat around the house <strike> and drank until I got drunk. I regret it, I'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry. </strike> being bored.

Oh yeah. My parents let me back in the house, okay, well my mother for that matter. Thank god my mother wears the pants in their relationship. My father said that when I have start to get closer to my pregnancy or my decision for an abortion, he wants me to move to an apartment with Jimmy and see if we could handle it. I told him that that was an un-necessary test to pull on me and he said "fine then" but that he knows I won't be capable to do it. I'd rather not let my father test my ability to run an apartment with Jimmy while I'm pregnant, but whatever, I guess I have no choice. I think they somehow know about the engagement, with all these stupid tests they are trying on me. I'm going to like lose my mind.

I walk around the halls at school now and I feel like everyone knows, sure I'm in a jacket and bundled up but I can't help but feel that they are all staring at my stomach with the thoughts of what a whore running through their head. Thank god I'm not fat yet or showing that I'm pregnant. I hate feeling sick to my stomach during the early classes though, it's embarassing when the teachers give me all the attention. It's like they know, they have to, teachers creepily know everything. Okay okay, I'm probably just paranoid. Oh god I can't believe that I'm not going to be able to do spirit squad, but I know a pregnant cheerleader on the squad isn't exactly something that people would enjoy looking at. Plus, if I fell hard enough I could cause a miscarriage.

Agh. There. I've filled you in on everything possible. Sorry that this is long. <3

I love you Jimmy

9 heart me!

blah [February 27, 6:35 pm]
[ mood | worried ]

So Jimmy came over today, and then my parent's really frightened me. They kicked me out for the time being. Jimmy's right by my side though thank god. I know you all are thinking "is it true?1!?one!1" yeah. it is. I am pregnant. I have known about it for like a week, and I'm really scared. I don't know if I'm going to keep it or not. I've been drinking so that baby is probably pretty fucked up. I just know I can't drink. I really need that job at Pretty Pretty now, I wonder if they'll still let me work once I start to gain more weight. I hope so, I saw a pregnant lady at Walmart working. I'm at a hotel with Jimmy right now. He wants to keep the baby. I don't know what I want to do. I was on this website though. http://www.cbctrust.com/teens.html#1 and http://www.abortiontv.com/ The second one scared me, ALOT. Expecially the procedures for an abortion. I'm not saying I'm going to get on because I may not. I'm totally indecisive right now.

I love you Jimmy

8 heart me!

Sorry that this is really long!! [February 27, 5:45 pm]
Private & OOCCollapse )
heart me!

meeee [February 25, 11:08 pm]
[ mood | moody ]

Yesterday I went to the Dot with alot of people, got to see Terri kick Sully's ass. Totally awesome. Then Jimmy came and we talked and then went to his house. I got to meet Melissa! She's so sweet, she asked if I liked Jimmy, awh. We then just hung out in his room, it was fun. Went back to the Dot, then went home. I'm glad I've limited drinking to not drinking at all, well atleast for awhile, I feel bad when I drink plus it's not great for my health. I think I'm coming down with something, I keep puking like everyday, okay i'm so over estimating but still. It's probably that dang flu sickness going around though. I'll be better in no time! I'm still waiting for my call from Pretty Pretty, I hope it come's soon. <3

I love you ALOT

9 heart me!

hfghfg [February 23, 7:55 pm]
[ mood | productive ]

These last days were rough and really confusing. I have been so.. agh, i don't know, stupid, beyond stupid, a complete idiot to say the least. I know everyone knows what happened because you probably saw Jimmy and I arguing at Ashley's party monday night, I would tell you all if you don't but I really don't feel like repeating it. I'm so glad that we are still together though, wow. i love him i love him i love him Next Thursday is our one month, heh. I had my interview at Pretty Pretty yesterday. It.. went good, I think. I passed the drug test, hahah, i'm sneaky on those sort of things. I sort of chuckled when she said I passed but then she looked at me and I started acting like the chuckle was a cough and I coughed for a while. ;) Anyways they said they'd let me know if I got the job or not towards the end of this week, or the beginning of next week. I really need the money so I sure hope I got it. Hm hm hm, other than all of the.. shit, that has been occuring, I've just been planning stuff for our one month sitting around the house. Oh I told Heather that I could baby sit her little sister for her, so I'll probably do that, once I hear if it's okay with her parent's and everything. I figured that since I really shouldn't go to parties, Heather might as well, and I should be a good friend and watch her little sister. I mean how bad could it be? plus, barbies are fun everyonce in a while! hah

I love you..

11 heart me!

Overrrr [February 21, 1:51 pm]
[ mood | moody ]

So yesterday I was at the Dot with a few people and then Jimmy and I were fighting about something and it really upset me. He ended up coming to the Dot and he wouldn't even look at me and so me being the emotional spaz I am, I just sat outside the Dot for awhile and then he came out and we talked, and madeup, thank god. I'm sorry again babe... So then we went to Ellie's loft party with the cool spiral stairs and I stayed with Jimmy and he said I could drink if I wanted to so we drank together. Then he had to go after a short time and I think I was drinking with someone and that's all I remember. I remember a few selective things but it was nothing that would lead me to know what happened, IF anything did at all. So I woke up on their floor and I opened my eye's and he was there.. After discussing with him if we knew if anything happened out not, which we think nothing happened, I got my ass out of there. Honestly I'm so worried that my relationship is at stake. I need to talk to someone. Oh my god I'm scared... :\

8 heart me!

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